I want to watch free (full-length) 720p/1080p/4K HD porn videos on the best porn tubes in the world!
You came to exactly the right place. The Internet is often referred to as a series of free sex tubes, but there are so goddamn many of them it’s hard to know which ones are worth your time. I spend about 25 hours a day looking at online pornography, so I know what to watch out for in a good tube. You want something with a big, varied collection of hardcore smut that’s easy to search and browse, and weighs you down as little as possible with spam and other bullshit. That’s what you’re going to get from the tubes on my list, especially the ones at the top. That’s how “Best Of” lists work, dipshit.
I know most of you are just going to click through until you find one you like, but you can save yourself a little bit of time if you peek at the reviews to find a good fit for your pornographic preferences. I’ve done the homework so you don’t have to. There’s generally some compromise with the free sites. That’s why they’re free. In my reviews, I try to weigh the good against the bad and point out what works and what doesn’t on these sites.
I already have a favorite porn site. What’s new and better about the other ones?
It’s easy to fall into a masturbatory routine. Nobody has to explain that to The Porn Dude. Sometimes you just want to load up the usual anal teen movies on the same old tube you’ve been visiting for years. It’s just comfortable, almost like smashing the old ball and chain even though neither of you can even look each other in the eye anymore. Don’t you ever wonder what else is out there that might get your rocks off even harder?
A lot of these tubes are in a constant battle with Google and each other, which means changing spam situations and the shuffling of content. A good tube today is not necessarily a decent tube tomorrow. Trust somebody with the time, energy and passion to sort through the muck and find you today’s best free porn tubes. Besides, if you never take your eyes off of that easy orgasm, you’ll miss all the new and amazing adult websites that keep popping up.
How can I trust the ranking of your porn list? Maybe you get paid to put a shitty site in a top position?
Reputation counts for a lot on the Internet. Sites like PornHub, XVideos and xHamster occupy top slots on my list in large part because they’re big, well-known, and popular. How did they get like that? By reliably delivering what they claim to offer: free sex movies of lesbians, amateur couples, and the hottest pornstars in the business eating each other out, giving blowjobs, and just generally fucking the living hell out of each other on camera.
Now imagine I put Crazy Uncle Larry’s Fisting Spam Warehouse in one of the top positions. People would click it, expecting to see beautiful women get their pussies and poopers stretched out and all they get is pop-ups for boner pills and “free” cam shows. Would you come back to the site? I didn’t think so. The Porn Dude has a solid reputation because The Porn Dude has solid recommendations when it comes to porn. That’s my whole thing.
Can I find free full-length premium porn on these websites without annoying ads?
Well, how do you define annoying? Ads are basically the currency of the free tube. You get to whack off at the library without busting out your credit card, and in exchange, the tube you’re watching gets to show you some spam. How intense, intrusive and distracting those ads are depends on which tube you choose. You should always be using an ad-blocking plug-in, but you’re probably still going to get some amount of spam.
The key is to shoot for a site where the spam is minimal, but the spam price gets a little higher depending on what you’re looking for. Tubes toward the top of my list, like XNXX and Eporner, are going to give you the smoothest browsing/jerking experience, but it’s a little harder to find the full-length premium stuff. Sites like SpankBang that feature “borrowed” premium content generally have more spam to deal with while you’re stroking it to whole movies. If you can’t handle that, save your pennies and check out my Premium Porn section.
Are these XXX websites 100% safe and virus free?
Oh, that’s a tricky question. The sites themselves are definitely safe and virus-free, but you have to be careful about those fucking ads, especially as you go further down the list. For some reason, companies like Sony, Amazon and Facebook aren’t advertising on the free fuck flick tubes. The guys who make herbal erection pills, silicone schoolgirl vaginas, CryptoLocker ransomware and “local horny Asians who want to fuck now” websites are fine advertising on sites with lurid, pornographic depictions of intercourse that violates the very laws of nature and human decency.
What’s that mean for you? It means, first and foremost, that you really do need to be using a spam blocker when you’re beating your meat. Second, don’t be a retard or an elderly person, confused by technology. It ain’t rocket science: if you get a pop-up claiming to be Official Windows Support and a robot voice tells you to send $500 worth of bitcoin to unlock your computer, it’s a scam and you should close the window. I see shit like this literally every day, but my computer has never been infected.
What’s a ransomware CryptoLocker virus?
In a nutshell, it’s a piece of software that locks up your entire computer so you can’t do anything with it until you pay some hackers to unlock the thing for you. You’ll lose access to everything, from your personal photos to your collection of Ebony blowjob movies, as well as all the spreadsheets you’ve been working on for the past few months. Your boss is going to be pissed. You’d better not tell him this happened because you were stroking sperm on your office laptop.
Of course, this won’t happen at all if you take incredibly basic precautions. You wouldn’t bang a crack whore without a condom, and you certainly wouldn’t leave your wallet out and go to sleep, no matter how trustworthy she told you she was. You know goddamn well those aren’t birthmarks and they are contagious. Use that spam blocker and your common sense. Don’t ever download an app just because some piece of spam told you that you needed it.
PornDude, your porn directory is the fucking best! You’re the role model that my father should have been!
Hey, I knew the old pervert would fail you, that’s the whole reason I started this thing. Get out there and do your thing, young grasshopper. These free porn tubes are your oyster, waiting for you to spray your own messy string of pearls.
Check back here often if you want to stay current on the absolute best in free smut. I’m always scouring the ‘net for the latest and greatest in pornography, and I keep this list updated as things change in this paradise of filth tubes.
